Salam alaikum my sisters in Islam.
I suppose I should give an explanation for my absence. It isn't exactly the easiest thing to talk/write about.
As some of you may know, I was expecting a little one, due in October. March 19th I had a 12 week appointment. We went in without a care in the world, so excited to see the baby on the sonogram screen. Our high spirits fell when we saw that the baby wasn't moving nor did it have a heartbeat. The Mid-wife brought in the Dr to confirm her findings. Straight away my OBGYN said that most likely the baby died around week 9, from the size it was measuring.
It was all a complete shock. The pregnancy had been going so well, there weren't any signs that there was a miscarriage. No bleeding or cramping. I cried a lot the first few days, but came to terms with it all. Allah knows best (Allah kareem). From conception Allah knew that this child would only make it to 9 weeks. We do not know the reason why, but perhaps it is to reminds us how life can be taken so easily. How short life really is.
My OBGYN gave me just about a week for my body to naturally expel the baby on its own. I saw this as a fair amount of time as I had already been carrying the baby for 3 weeks, one more week would make a total of 4 weeks of carrying my now deceased baby. The following week after our dismal news, we had another ultrasound to confirm that the baby was dead. (My OBGYN is Muslim and likes to know 100% that the baby is deceased before performing any procedures).
We arranged the D&C to be done on Wednesday, March 27th, 2013. I was very scared about it all. I had never been under anesthesia before, never had to have surgery done. Before I was put to sleep I shed a few tears, just the thought that when I would wake up I would no longer be carrying my unborn child. When I was waking up from unconsciousness, I was literally sobbing and weeping. During my sleep I had dreamed I had carried my baby to full term and just delivered it, but harsh reality came when I woke up and the nurse was saying I was in the recovery room.
It has been only a few days, 2 to be exact. I feel pretty well off and much like myself. Once again, I have accepted all of this. My OBGYN said that this isn't anything out of the ordinary, for some babies, their genetics and chromosomes do not form correctly when conceived and the baby is destined to die from the time it is conceived. He reassured me that there was nothing that I could of done to change what happened.